He walked to door of the room of past wounds I had forgotten about. He asked, “Will you let me in?” I couldn’t remember if the room was all nice and tidy or if I had things all over the floor.
Yet, I knew that things would not remain the same when He stepped into this room. But I wanted the room to at least be decent looking.
After years of struggling with my health, my doctor and I decided removing my thyroid was the best option for me. The surgery went well. I was in awe of the Lord’s love and care for me through my friends…my sisters, my sacred circle.
Several hours after surgery I went to the restroom. As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror. I was shocked by the size of the wound! I immediately became weak looking at it. It was hideous and gross!
I was wheeled back to my bed and immediately began thinking of ways to hide it, I was disgusted by it surely others would be to
The scarfs and high neckline tops came out of my closet. For the past two weeks, I’ve walked around conscious of this ugly scar on my neck, making it a goal to keep it hidden.At one point I was in the middle of worship unwilling to lift my hands. If I lifted my hands my scarf would move and expose my ugly scar. And who wanted to see that? It would probably distract others.
Then I heard His gentle voice…”Will you let me into this room? Will you trust me with your wound.”
And expose my wound? This hideous and gross wound!?!? Eeeek!!!
Tears began filling my eyes. Yet, I didn’t let Him into the room in my heart…I only had enough courage to open the door. And He didn’t walk in. He simply stood at the doorway of that room and smiled.
Days went on and I found ways of hiding my scar that is until…yesterday morning. Frustration grew by the seconds as I was getting dressed. I couldn’t find a thing to cover my scar. After thirty minutes of facing my closet and trying on top after top I turned around to look at a pile of clothes on my bed and floor. Again I heard Him ask s tenderly, “Will you let me into this room?”
With tears running down my face I responded, “I opened the door! Just walk in!!! Stop asking!!! Why do you insist!!!??? You are God just walk in!!!”
Why was this so hard for me?!? Why the tears?!?
I then remembered my sweet friend had gifted me a necklace with a tiny cross the day I had surgery. I thought, “Perhaps the necklace can cover the scar!”
I hurried over to open the box where the necklace was in. Much to my disappointment the necklace didn’t cover the scar. Yet, I noticed the small tiny cross on the necklace. At that moment, His voice began silencing my fears and doubts. “At the cross I covered your wounds. Let me cover your scar. Will you let me into this room?”
This room in my heart is messy. It’s not put together. It’s not even walkable. It actually hurts being in that room. It’s a room with wounds yet to be healed.
I then turned to look at my Abba and held His hand. He embraced me. We both stood at the doorway looking at the mess in my room. My tears wet his hands. Yet, He didn’t wipe my tears from His hands.
He looked at me with eyes full of compassion and love and said, “This room of past wounds will no longer be a room of fears or pain. I am making a new thing in this room. I’ve brought you to the land of healing.”
And together we walked into the room.
I then wiped my tears. Left my necklace on. And courageously exposed my scar for the first time! No more hiding it!
My scar is beautiful. My scar is part of my story. (I was told both of these things in the past weeks but I finally believe it and am embracing it!)
So world, no more hiding for me!!! Here I am in all HIS beauty…scar and all.
Our heavenly Father desires to heal every wound…and turn it into a beautiful scar. Will you let Him into the room of your wounds?